don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
nutella sex= disaster
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
