I faked an abortion last night.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
