so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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