hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
