just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will be naked everywhere
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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