Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
