apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
