You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
