You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
