goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
