I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
