i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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