dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
