Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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