Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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