I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
