Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize