Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize