Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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