Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize