If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
