who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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