It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
