Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just had sex on a roof
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
