Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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