Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
