absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Umm I'm too high to move.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
