I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she smelled like a LAN party
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
