He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
