you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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