i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
