I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
