I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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