My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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