Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
