Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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