Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize