i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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