this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
