Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
