so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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