alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
