Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
