She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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