i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
