Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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