Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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