We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my shit smells like andre
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize