we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
