i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize