my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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