Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
