He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
