Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
