Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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