My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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