1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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