the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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