Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize