Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize