i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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