plz talk dirty to me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
