If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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