You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
