There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
