My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
