I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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