Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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