Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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