She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
