ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
